You Get What You Faith For

The Power of Negative Belief

“Dad, I don’t have any place to stay.  They kicked me out… I’ve lost my job again.  I’ve been in IHOP now for 5 hours waiting for someone to come get me.  I don’t have any more money.  Dad, you have to come get me, now!” pled Amy.

Amy was a 20 year-old “prodigal daughter” in a far off state.

Dad thought as he has for the past few years, “She needs my help.  Honestly, she can’t do this on her own.  This is way too hard for her… Why, she can’t even get out of bed on time .” The father booked the next flight to go help Amy.

As a psychologist I’ve spent my life reading, studying and applying techniques of behavior change. I have discovered one of the most powerful tools to influence another’s behavior:

How you believe in them.

The dad was using his power of “belief” in a negative fashion. He didn’t believe she could make it. His negative belief enabled Amy to continue her addictions to drugs, alcohol, and “riotous living”.  He also failed to realize his “negative belief” tended to overlook her agency and to ignore accountability for her actions.

Stronger than the cords of death

There may be many tools to help a loved one in need including reflective listening, family meetings, advice giving, etc.  However, applying “positive belief” – confidence in the individual, is one of the best tools.

Believing in a loved one, in need, in such a way that “the person-in-need may know that your faithfulness in him/her is stronger than the cords of death”  (see D & C 121:44) can change a life.

We express this positive belief or faith in another through our action — by the way we think, communicate, and behave with them.  When you show behaviors of faith in another, it tends to motivate them to behave in a more healthy way and eliminates co-dependency.

Smallest Amount Can Move Mountains and Change Lives

So powerful is “Faith” even the smallest amount can move mountains. (See Matt 17:19-20.)  I have seen the faith of a loved-one, be the turning point in another’s life.  I believe the positive outcome of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-24)  and Alma the Younger (Mosiah 27) was in part due to their fathers’ ability to “believe“ in their sons to change.  Regardless of how bad or how far away a loved one might be, they can be influenced by the power of your faith!

A few weeks later

I had confidence that as the father’s “seed” of faith in his daughter’s “divine nature and identity” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)  his and eventually her life would change.

Stranded again, Amy made another desperate crisis call. In exercising his new found “faith” in her, the father replied to her despair with calm confidence saying, “Amy, you can do this.  I know you can.  You can figure this out.   I’m praying for you.  I trust you’ll make the best decision.  I love you and God loves you.” Faith without works is dead (James 2:17-18).

He hung up the phone.

A prophet  has said, “The future is as bright as your faith” (Thomas S. Monson, “Be of Good Cheer,” Ensign, May 2009).

I also believe in part, “The future of your loved-one is as bright as your    faith …!”

Gospel Principle

“Faith precedes the miracle. It has ever been so and shall ever be. It was not raining when Noah was commanded to build an ark.  There was no visible ram in the thicket when Abraham prepared to sacrifice his son Isaac.  Two heavenly personages were not yet seen when Joseph knelt and prayed.  First came the test of faith — and then the miracle” (Thomas S. Monson, “The Call to Serve,” Ensign, Nov. 2000).

Additional Information

Thomas S. Monson, “Be of Good Cheer,” Ensign, May 2009.

Richard G. Scott, “To Help a Loved One in Need,” Ensign, May 1988.

Elder Wilford W. Andersen speaks at the Saturday morning session of the April 2010 General Conference. The Rock of Our Redeemer “They had learned that hope, …  does not depend upon circumstance.  They had discovered that the true source of hope is faith ….”