He was 73 and has had many Church leadership positions. Up until a few days ago he had been a veil worker at the LDS temple.  He had children and grandchildren who loved and supported him.  (It was easy to see why, he was gentle and kind.)

I noticed a bruise on his cheek.

He told me he had been beat up while he was in jail last week.   He innocently told other inmates his charges – two felony counts of sexual abuse of a child. Jailers moved  him to “secure” for safety until his family bailed him out.

He explained, “I had been tickling my granddaughters.”

Yes, They are Our Neighbors

Most individuals whom I’ve seen because of sexually offending behavior have looked like the people with whom I go to Church!  (And unfortunately on occasion they have been.)

Look at these headlines:

Mormon scoutmaster Jack LaHolt sexually abused children

Former LDS seminary principal pleads guilty to sex abuse charges

Former Mormon stake president pleads guilty in sex solicitation

See the “Sex Offenders” living near you.

National Sex Offender Public Website

I found five.

Why?

Most of us have a hard time understanding how an active member of the LDS Church ends up offending sexually.

David B. Haight explains one possible reason, “What impels these offenders to such terrible deeds…

… growing presence of obscenity has been aided by the lowering of media standards for advertising, by relaxed movie ratings, by television soap operas and situation comedies that use their powerful voices to justify, glamorize, and encourage sexual relations outside of marriage.” (“Personal Morality,” Ensign, Nov. 1984.)

Tickling My Granddaughters

“When one falls into deep sin there apparently are only these two alternative courses available, to repent and do what is necessary to clean it all up  or to rationalize away the consequences and the sting of conscience.” (Spencer W. Kimball, Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 220.)

Based on my evaluation, it was clear Brother Jones intentionally fondled the private areas of his granddaughters for sexual gratification. Describing his behavior as innocent “tickling” was simply an example of “rationalization,” “Tickling” of grandchildren is innocent and expected of a grandpa and okay as a temple worker.  “Molesting” is not.  

Forgiveness Does Not Remove the Consequences of Sin

The Church’s position includes:

Simply put, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to child abusers.  The Church cooperates fully with law enforcement in investigating incidents of child abuse and bringing perpetrators to justice. President Hinckley has said: “Our hearts reach out to the offender, but we cannot tolerate the sin of which he may be guilty.  Where there has been offense, there is a penalty. …Can child abusers who have paid the legal price for their crimes and gone through a rigorous repentance process with local Church leaders become members of the Church again? Yes. As Christians, we believe in forgiveness.  But can they ever again, in their lifetime, serve in any capacity that would put them in direct contact with children?  Absolutely not.  Forgiveness does not remove the consequences of sin. (Public Issues at LDS.org)

Since 1995 the Church has placed a confidential annotation on the membership record of members who previously abused children.

Brother Jones Goes to Prison

As Brother Jones and I embraced for the last time, he acknowledged he molested his granddaughters and needed help.  We discussed the fact he’d likely be going to prison for quite sometime and would receive help while incarcerated.

Now, to the perpetrator who has shattered the life of another by abuse… Simplify your life by taking steps now to cleanse your soul from such sin and resolve the penalties they evoke.  Show your desire to heal the anguish that you have caused others … But full repentance will bring the sweet relief of forgiveness, peace of conscience, and a renewed life … You will be free of the weight of remorse and the accusing thoughts of what you have caused in grief and anguish in another’s life … (Richard G. Scott, “To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse,” Ensign, May 2008).

Gospel Principle

Sexual abuse of children is a very serious sin.  For those having offended sexually, steps of repentance are long, difficult and painful.

Additional Information

- Scriptures Luke 17: 2 and D&C 121: 22.

- Richard G. Scott, “Finding Forgiveness,” Ensign, May 1995.

- Sites to help those with sexual problems:

Candeo – This site provides proven methods and tools based on actual brain science that will empower you to stop your unwanted pornography viewing and masturbation.

Sexhelp.com - This site was created by noted psychologist and author, Dr. Patrick Carnes, to help those affected by sexual addiction and compulsivity, whether it be the addict or the friend or loved one of the addict.

“…human intimacy, … certainly was ordained to be – a symbol of total union: union of their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything … Sexual intimacy is … the uniting of their very souls–but it is also symbolic of a union between mortals and deity, …” (“Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,” Brigham Young University Devotional Address, 12 January 1988).

  Later in the same verse (Moses 5:16) the word “know” is used to describe a relationship with God.  “To know” another person in God’s way, has no equal and no counterpart.  It is pure gold.  
 
Lay
   The word “lay or lie” is also used in scriptures to describe the sexual act.  Examples include Potiphar’s wife seducing Joseph “to lie by her….”  (Genesis 39:10) and King David ”lay(ing) with” Bath-sheba  (2 Sam 11:4).  Both illustrate the sexual act outside the bonds of marriage. The focus is on the external touching of bodies.
  
  In recent years, my clientele has consisted of many criminally charged sex offenders.  Understanding “laying” can be illustrated by a recent interview I had with a 26 year-old.  When asked about the number of sexual partners he replied, “I don’t know.”  He spontaneously added, “I just like sex.  I don’t even know their names!”

  It was clear this young man:  “… uses his companion as a biological toy to give himself temporary satisfaction,”  (Love and Lust, Spencer W. Kimball, BYU Publications, 1975).

  The “laying with” process is often clinically referred to as “objectifying” a partner.  Simply stated, one objectifies as the emphasis moves from “knowing” – communication, commitment, and relationship with a real life person towards “laying with” – the sexual act itself.
 
Lust 
  Lust is also used in the scriptures to describe sexual behavior (D & C 63:16, Matt 25:27-28).  Lust typically involves “thinking or fantasizing” about a real life person or picture or written text or thought. 
 
  For example, pornography includes visual images of people, most of which have been photoshopped and airbrushed to the point that what one sees isn’t “real.”  A person is even more “objectified” by what is referred to as “Anima.”  Anima is Japanese animation of explicit sexual acts.  No people at all, only cartoon-like images.  With pornography there is no “knowing” or “laying” because there are no humans, only images.
 
  The ultimate objectification of physical intimacy has recently gained much popularity.  Here there are no humans or even images of humans, only “words” such as sexual stories and chatroom discussions on the internet and romance novels from the local bookstore.  Men prefer “pornography” on the internet more than a relationship with their wives.  And women are more interested in fantasizing about a character from a “romance novel” than their husbands.

Sexual Response
  An individual can experience the complete physical sexual response cycle by “knowing,” “laying with” and yes, even by “lusting.”  

“Laying with” and “Lust” are getting a good thing in a bad way.  Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.  The “constant and strong” sexual interest and arousal towards the opposite sex is a good thing – part of God’s design. 

“The intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself …”  (Intimacy in Marriage , Spencer W. Kimball, Eternal Marriage Student Manual, LDS Church.)

Gospel Principle
  With love and “Knowing” the Spirit stays.  With “Laying” or “Lusting” the Spirit leaves the unclean body or mind. Learn correct principles. Help yourself.

  “First rate” physical intimacy is one man and one woman building that relationship and the commitment grows and then marriage occurs.  Sexual intimacy and true knowing “consummates” the marriage.

When the very finest gold is available, who would trade it for worthless fool’s gold?   Sincerely, dr rick

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

“President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality,” Spencer W. Kimball, New Era, Nov 1980.

“Love and Lust.” Spencer W. Kimball, BYU Publications, 1975.

The Miracle of Forgiveness, “The Sin Next to Murder,” (Pages 61-75) and “Crime Against Nature,” (Pages 77-89), Spencer W. Kimball, 1969.