Best Friends

My son Gary was probably my best friend. We spent a lot of time together. When he was little he liked sports and I coached his baseball and basketball games. I loved watching him play. A little later, he learned to bowl and found he had a natural ability for the game. I always went with him to his tournaments and shared his happiness when he won. … He dropped out of school altogether at age 16. He had several jobs but they didn’t last long when he was about 20, Gary met and married a girl he loved a lot. For a while they were really happy he vowed to give up the things that were bringing unhappiness. Some of his old friends started coming around and he started drinking again. He and his wife divorced and he moved back home.

Come on Dad…

During this time we spent a lot of time together. When he was working nights, he’d wake up early and say , “Come on, Dad Let’s go for a ride.” He’d get coffee and I’d get hot chocolate and we’d just ride around. He loved riding on country roads or in the mountains. 

… Shot in the heart

The day before he died we helped with ward clean-up-day. He worked so hard and enjoyed being with the other guys there. He came home, got cleaned up and went to a street festival in town. I didn’t hear him come home but it was late. The next morning I went to Bishop’s meeting and then my wife and I attended the other Sunday meetings. It was about 4:00 pm when I got home. My wife asked me to go downstairs and get Gary for dinner. He didn’t’ wake when I called his name. When I turned on the light, I saw him lying back on his pillows and that he had shot himself in the heart.

Raising from the dead…

I reached out to hold him but his spirit had gone. Thoughts raced through my mind-with my Priesthood, I could heal him-If only I was good enough-so I gave him a blessing. I was bishop of our ward at the time. I remembered how Jesus had raised the dead and I wanted so much to have the faith to bring my son back to me….

I was standing at the foot of his casket when I realized that my son was just 33 years old, the same age the Savior was when he died.

A suicide every 40 seconds

Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds. In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide. (World Health Organization, Suicide Statistics)

A way of coping

Suicide has been used as a way of coping with life problems for centuries. Ahithophel in  2 Samuel 16:23 was referred to as “an oracle of God.” He was a “counsellor” to King David and hung himself. (See 2 Samuel 17: 23).  And perhaps one of the more famous suicides was the apostle Judas in Matthew 27:3-8 where he too hung himself.

Unfortunately we Latter-day Saints are not immune from suicide.

Unanswered questions

With every suicide there are many questions. M. Russell Ballard shares a few:

Was the person who took his/her life mentally ill? Was s/he so deeply depressed as to be unbalanced or otherwise emotionally disturbed? Was the suicide a tragic, pitiful call for help that went unheeded too long or progressed faster than the victim intended? Did s/he not understand the seriousness of the act? Was s/he suffering from a chemical imbalance that led to despair and a loss of self control? … The Lord will look at that person’s circumstances and the degree of his accountability at the time of the act. (M. Russell Ballard, “Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not,” Ensign, Oct 1987)

Gospel Principle:

Latter-day Saints commit suicide. Only our Father in Heaven knows the answers to some of the questions asked regarding those who take their own lives.  Nevertheless, the Lord’s promise is to each of us:

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)

Additional Resources:

- Watch the video Understanding Suicide  by  Tools for Life.

- National Alliance On Mentally Illness (NAMI) Suicide: Learn More/ Learn To Help.

- Where Is Our Hope for Peace? A Resource for Latter-day Saints Coping with Suicide. A book by Upward Reach Foundation

- LDS Family Services / Provident Living:  Library of Helpful Information /Suicide

Do you sometimes lie awake at night worrying about what might happen to you or a loved one?

Worrying is being concerned about things over which we have little or no control – like paying rent on a house you don’t own.

Worrying can be a sin like lying, cheating or stealing and results in a lack of faith in God.

Worry denies the power of God

When we face difficult situations, do all we can, and then place our problems on an all-powerful Heavenly Father.  When we cast our burdens on Him He will not fail us. (Matthew 11:28-30.)

Worrying typically increases as faith in God decreases.  When we worry we are saying,

“God cannot handle this situation in my life.  This is too                      hard for Him.”

Everything is Under Control

If you could, by some wonderful force, be allowed to slip from this earth in our present state and glimpse for a moment beyond the veil, you would not find one shred of evidence that reveals panic.  You would never once hear “Oops” from the lips of Heavenly Father, or “I wonder what I’m going to do about that problem?” You would never see confusion or worry on the face of God!

If you desire to maintain calm and quiet hearts in the face of adversities and trials, you must be confident that Heavenly Father is all powerful and all knowing.

“For, unless God had power over all things, and was able, by his power, to control all things, . . . men could not be saved . . . ” (Joseph Smith, Lecture on Faith 4).

After all, it is God’s work and glory to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life. (See Moses 1:39.)

Worry and Anxiety are NOT the Same

At times, worry can become a more serious condition referred to as an – “anxiety disorder”.  In an anxiety disorder physical signs, difficulty sleeping, and other symptoms may occur despite your best efforts to manage your “worry”.  If this is your case review the symptoms from Helpguide.org- Symptoms, Treatment and Self Help.

The Antidote for Worrying

Joseph B. Wirthlin gives us a two step plan:

“Fret not” is the first step. (See Ps. 37:1.)   To fret means to worry or to brood about something.  The first thing we must do is stop worrying. When we worry about the future, we create unhappiness in the present. Righteous concern may lead us to take appropriate action, but worrying about things we cannot control can paralyze and demoralize us.

Instead of worrying, focus on doing all that you can, and then leave the worrying to your Heavenly Father. If your heart is right with Him, He will take care of the worry and the fear.  We must learn to “fret not”.

The second step is to “trust in the Lord.” (See Ps. 37:3.)  Why should we trust in Him? Because He is our loving and all-wise Father in Heaven. Because He is the giver of all good gifts. Because He knows us and wants us to be happy and successful and to return to Him. God is in His heaven. He is perfect. He loves us. (“Improving Our Prayers,” Ensign, Mar. 2004).

Gospel Principle

Worrying is a sin.  The greatest antidote to worrying is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  We will never find security and peace until then.  If worry becomes prolonged and excessive consider seeking additional information.

Additional Resources

Trusting in the Lord.  Trust in the Lord’s will and timetable.  You will be supported in your trials and afflictions when you show your faith in Him.

“My message is an appeal to those who are worried or restless or anxious, a plea to those who are not at peace.” Boyd K. Packer, “The Balm of Gilead,” New Era, Aug. 1979.

Just outside the door, jail guards were going about their daily business.  All that could be heard were muddled sounds of voices coming through the cinder block wall.  Within minutes after the interview started, Mary in handcuffs and shackles, stood and shuffled to the partly cracked door.  I observed as she pushed the door open with her hip.  She positioned herself majestically in the doorway.  In a voice of thunder she said,

“Someone out here said the word ‘Gosh.’  You are offending the name of my Savior …  You need to stop, this instant!”

She returned to the chair.  Looking me in the eye, this middle-aged, middle-class, attractive sister stated,

“Someone needs to stand up for the Lord.”

She sat in silence waiting for me to continue the interview.

Similar symptoms of untreated mental illness I have often seen, as she stood in chains, in a jail in an obscure city of Utah.

Mary had been warned by the judge on numerous occasions to stay away from her LDS Ward building.  She had continued to interrupt meetings with similar outbursts – calling her ward family to repentance.  The last time the bishop had to call the police.  The police carried her out of the Gospel Doctrine Class.  The police report described Mary as quoting a variety of scriptures as she was removed from the church including – 2 Nephi 26:33:

“…and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.”

She informed the arresting officers, “You have no right to take me.  You have no jurisdiction here.   This is the Lord’s Church.  He never turns anyone away!”

Since she has been in jail, the auditory hallucinations, “voices” like the ones she hears taking the Lord’s name in vain, have increased.  A look of fear came over her face as she told me the haunting voices also come through the jail heating vents.

Mary has refused to seek mental health services for her psychotic-like behavior.  She has become disruptive wherever the jail has tried to house her.  Now Mary sits alone, in isolation, “in the hole” on a misdemeanor criminal trespass charge. When asked about her refusal to take medication or seek counseling, with hope in her eyes, she replied, “The Lord will take care of me.”

Mary’s children and previous husband have all but abandoned her since her mental illness has worsened.

Visitors Welcome

President Joseph Fielding Smith explained that:

“All spirits while in the pre-existence were perfect in form, having all their faculties and mental powers unimpaired. … Deformities in body and mind are … physical.”  (Answers to Gospel Questions, comp. Joseph Fielding Smith, Jr., 5 vols., Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1979, 3:19.)

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the American Psychiatric Association’s standard reference for psychiatry includes over 400 different mental disorders.  The International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD) is published by the World Health Organization, also contains a section on hundreds of psychological and behavioral disorders.

“I bear witness of the restoration which will come. Each … mind will be restored in perfect frame. However long and unfair mortality may seem, however long the suffering and the waiting may be, … If healing does not come in mortal life, it will come thereafter. Just as the gorgeous monarch butterfly emerges from a chrysalis, so will spirits emerge.”  (Boyd K. Packer, “The Moving of the Water,” Ensign, May 1991).

The Face of God

We cannot behold, with our natural eyes, the design our God has concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow.  (See D&C 58:3.)  We know that “the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart,” (1 Samuel 16:6-8).

I’m reminded of the play Les Miserables, near the end Jean Valjean sings:

“And remember the truth that once was spoken to love another person is to see the face of God.”

Sometimes, if I paused and really tried, I could catch a glimpse of deity in Mary’s face.  I realized, she too was a child of God.

Mary and millions of others like her, aren’t really the ones on trial. We are!

Can we look beyond the strange behavior, unusual thinking, and uncontrollable emotions—and see the face of God?

Gospel Principle

A spirit’s ability, which was once beautiful and innocent in the preexistence, can become limited by brain disorders (mental illnesses) in our earth life.  We have been reassured that these wonderful spirits will re-emerge in perfect form.

Additional Information

Boyd K. Packer, “The Moving of the Water,” Ensign, May 1991.

Mental Health Anti-Stigma PSA -Friends. A 30 second YouTube video.

Sadness

“It was meant to be that life would be a challenge.  To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.  Teach our members that if they have a good miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them.  Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggles in life” (Solving Emotional Problems in the Lord’s Own Way, Ensign, May 1978, page 91).

There is a difference between clinical depression and the temporary emotional struggles everyone experiences as part of normal living – emotions such as transient depression associated with the death of a loved one or anxiety associated with taking a final examination or giving a talk in church.  Mental illness is not feelings of guilt and remorse that are associated with breaking commandments.

More than an Unhappy Mood
Clinical depression is much more than an unhappy mood.  It is often difficult for a lay person to tell the difference between normal human struggles, behavior problems and clinical depression.  The persistence of symptoms that impair performance in the home and at work despite personal and family efforts are warning signs of clinical depression.

Recently I drove by a billboard next to a road near our home.  Its message about clinical depression was clear, “You wouldn’t tell someone with cancer to just get over it.”  A person with clinical depression can no more “just get over it” than the diabetic can will his pancreas to begin producing more insulin.  Exhortations from well-meaning family and friends to “snap out of it” result only in frustration for all.

Mental Illness is Different
Mental illness results in abnormal thought patterns, feelings and perceptions that threaten a person’s ability to lead a normal and productive life.  The symptoms of mental illness almost always improve with appropriate professional care.  However, if not treated the symptoms of mental illness can lead the sufferer to withdraw from home and society and even consider suicide.  Mental illnesses are not caused by misbehavior or sin anymore than are diabetes or heart disease.  A person taking a prescribed medicine for his or her mental disease is no more likely to be off “the straight and narrow path” than the diabetic taking insulin is.

Mental illnesses are brain diseases caused by altered biological factors such as abnormal brain chemistry, physiology or microanatomy.  They are similar to other chronic diseases including diabetes and heart disease.   Major psychiatric disorders have physiological underpinnings,  (“Easing the Burdens of Mental Illness,” Ensign, Oct 2001).  The approach to treatment is identical.  Trained medical professionals determine whether the sufferer has a mental illness or some other brain disorder.  Only then, as with diabetes or hypertension, can the professional caregiver determine the proper combination of medicine, counseling and lifestyle change to treat the illness.

Role of Professionals and Repentance
Clinical depression may create profound, but unwarranted feelings of unworthiness and guilt.  Clergy should quickly determine whether these are feelings associated with real sin or possible manifestations of mental illness.  Only a trained professional should make the diagnosis.  Those who may suffer with mental illness should be referred, with encouragement and blessing, to appropriate professional care.  Repentance, if needed, can be more effectively approached after treatment is initiated and abnormal brain chemistry is under better control.

It is difficult to win a war when we don’t know the enemy.  Clinical depression is a strong enemy indeed – an enemy that has defeated many men, women and children.  When recognized and treated with proper professional care, this enemy can be beaten.

James O. Mason

GOSPEL PRINCIPLE: Clinical depression is a disease like cancer or diabetes. Sadness is a temporary emotional struggle which everyone experiences as part of normal living.

Additional Information:

Dr. Eredlyi discusses the different kinds of depression, and how to recognize them.

• Depression – National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
• Depression – National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Dr. James O. Mason was the United States Assistant Secretary for Health (ASH) from 1989 to 1993 and the Acting Surgeon General of the United States from 1989 to 1990. As the ASH he was also a former four-star admiral in the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps. He was also a director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and a General Authority of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).

One myth associated with mental illness is believing “faith, prayer and blessings” alone is all that is required for complete recovery.  Some believe the cure for serious mental illness is to simply pray harder, to attend church more regularly, and to study the scriptures with more intent.  They assume the use of outside medical, professional and support resources are a sign of “weakness” and are not necessary.  It’s been my experience, individuals that believe this way suffer needlessly and at times take their own lives!

Recently, I taught about depression at Women’s Conference at BYU.  A few days after my presentation, I received a phone call from a 35 year-old female who attended my lecture.  She was married in the temple and had a couple of kids.  She was calling me from her bedroom closet! (I’ve received more than one call from a closet over the years.)

She was in the depths of depression.  She was tearful, distressed, and talking of how she might end her life.  Her statements to me were “I can’t go on like this. I’ve tried everything….” She went on to describe the “everything” she had attempted to do over the years to deal with her mental illness “Prayer… reading the scriptures… going to the temple… even going to Women’s Conference!” The result, her depression had only worsened.

Image Source: Richard Masoner

I listened to her horrific life story. She felt deserted by God and deprived of His love, and longed to die….  I asked if she had sought any outside medical help, she said emphatically “No!”  Recognizing the situation as life threatening I asserted myself.  I told her to get out of her closet and get a phone book.  I informed her “Hiding in a closet was no way for a child of God to act!”

Together over the phone we located names and phone numbers of a doctor to perform a thorough physical examination and a therapist to begin professional counseling.  As a psychologist I thought to myself, there is no reason this young lady needed to continue to suffer.

Elder Alexander Morrison explains the belief that

“… All that people with mental illness need is a priesthood blessing” is indeed a myth.  We must understand, however, without in any way denigrating the unique role of priesthood blessings, that ecclesiastical leaders are spiritual leaders and not mental health professionals.  Most of them lack the professional skills and training to deal effectively with deep-seated mental illnesses and are well advised to seek competent professional assistance for those in their charge who are in need of it.  Remember that God has given us wondrous knowledge and technology that can help us overcome grievous problems such as mental illness.   Just as we would not hesitate to consult a physician about medical problems such as cancer, heart disease, or diabetes, so too we should not hesitate to obtain medical and other appropriate professional assistance in dealing with mental illness…. (“Myths about Mental Illness,” Ensign, Oct 2005).

I’m convinced, God doesn’t need a psychiatrist, but some of His saints do!  And apparently so does the Church.  The last time I checked LDS Family  Service was providing mental health clinical services in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and eight countries.

dr. rick
PRINCIPLE: Increasing our understanding of mental illness helps us reach out with love and compassion

Links for additional information:
• Myths about Mental Illness by Elder Alexander B. Morrison from Ensign, Oct 2005

• Mental Illness: Myths and Facts at Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

I’ve worked in a community mental health center for over 30 years.  Believe me, I’ve personally experienced “strain” in the system because of mental illness.  I was just in the jail this week completing an evaluation on an inmate for about 3rd time in only a couple of years.  He had another drug related felony.

By the time I saw him he had already been through jail detox so the hallucinations and voices had lessened.  But his mental illness, paranoid schizophrenia, was as evident as ever.  During the interview he was constantly scanning the room and on a couple of occasions carried on a brief conversation with a nonexistent person in the corner.

I’m quite sure this inmate will be found competent by the court to stand trial. He’ll be sent to prison … again.  I’d be very surprised if I didn’t see him again in a couple of years.  He’s only 25.

Image source: Andrew Bardwell

The “system” like many individuals, have a challenge in recognizing mental illness and knowing how to deal with it appropriately.  Mental illness is a disease, like any other.  Any organ of the body can get a disease.  When the brain gets a disease we call it a mental illness.

Simply said, a mental illness is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in thought and/or behavior, resulting in an inability to cope with life’s ordinary demands and routines.   Mental illness is real. Each of us including myself, have a family member suffering from a mental illness of some kind.  No one is immune!

We each have different susceptibilities or vulnerabilities.  I believe we are only “free according to the flesh” (2 Nephi. 2:27).  Some, are born with the genetic predisposition towards mental illness and therefore their freedom to feel, think or act – may be limited.

As Latter-day Saints we seem to be headed in the right direction in understanding and accepting mental illness.  For example Elder Alexander  Morrison wrote: “The truth is that many faithful Latter-day Saints who live the commandments and honor their covenants experience struggles with mental illness… ” (Myths about Mental Illness,” Ensign, Oct 2005).

Recently the LDS Church added “Disability Resource” section at LDS.org.  They list “Mental Illness” as a subsection.  The section begins with “There are many kinds of mental illnesses.  These illnesses affect the way the brain functions.  They can affect thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and the ability to understand information.  Mental illnesses are different from everyday experiences we may have with sadness, feeling upset, or daily problems…”

dr. rick
PRINCIPLE: “Mental Illness” is a disease like any other.

Links for additional information:
•   Mental Illness on LDS.org
•   Mental Illness: In Search of Understanding and Hope, Ensign, Feb 1989