…speaking the truth in love, may (we) grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: (Eph. 4: 13-15).

My years of working with individuals who daily face tremendous sexual temptations have taught me that there is no special formula that works for everyone.  This life is an individual journey and each person, under heavenly direction, must find the resources that will best aid them in confronting their earthly trials.  However, there are certain common factors necessary in creating an environment where growth can take place. They are:

Knowing Our True Identity

When we are weighed down by mortal challenges and temptations the knowledge that we are children of God, spiritually begotten in the premortal life, can provide strength, comfort, and hope.  This hope comes from a true understanding that as His children we already have a special relationship with Him and with His son, our brother, Jesus Christ.  We can go to them in prayer at any time with the assurance that they care deeply and the anticipation that we will not be asked to carry a burden too difficult for us to endure.   (See 1 Cor. 10:13.)

To obtain eternal life means to become like Heavenly Father, to live like Him, and to receive a fullness of joy. You can receive eternal life if you abide by the same laws as God and do the  things He does. (God Loveth His Children,  p.2; 2007, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.)

I suggest you look at yourself in the mirror and repeat this affirmation every day.

I am His child, no earthly challenge can destroy my eternal possibilities, and His promises are sure if I will do my part by

remaining faithful.

Without question, knowing, believing and acting on this promise is the most important protection and strength anyone can possess.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Finding the time to strengthen ourselves by serving others and the careful selection of friends and mentors who are leading righteous lives of virtue will bring light and love into a difficult day. When we spend time with others who share our beliefs and are committed to the same covenants we have made there is less room to accommodate the presence of the adversary or his temptations.  As God has commanded,

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31.)

We were created to be relational beings by a God who seeks a close and intimate relationship with us and he knows we are strengthened by virtuous relationships with others. As it is written in Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend”, and so we will be sharpened or dulled by the relationships we cultivate.

Having Realistic Expectations

When we are experiencing a particularly difficult challenge it is easy to seek a quick fix and become impatient with the growth process. Learning to say “no” to our flesh and “yes” to the Spirit is a lifelong course. When our behaviors have developed an addictive pattern or our thoughts have become somewhat obsessive, the journey to freedom can seem long and hard. This is when having realistic expectations is critical. Changing and repenting takes time.

We were not intended to struggle alone and the sacrifices we make to obey the commandments ultimately lead to sanctification.  As the Apostle Paul taught:

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. (2 Cor 12:7.)

The fruit of these unwanted trials in the life of Paul, and in our own lives, is the blessing we gain when we come to understanding that we are completely dependant on God and that the atonement of the Savior is more than sufficient for our needs.

Gospel Principle

We become stronger by remembering and doing the simple things. We need to know who we are and to whom we belong, we must involve ourselves with the best activities and individuals available, and we have to remain patient and realistic to permit the growth process to work the slow miracles Heavenly Father has promised.

Sincerely,

Dave Pruden

Additional Information

Ardeth Kapp talking about your true identity.

Relationships, Evergreen International by Jason Park.

Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Little Things Count,” New Era, May 1988.

David is the director of Evergreen International. He directs the day-to-day operations of the organization, supervises the staff and volunteers, and manages the budgets.

He is also involved in fundraising and interacting with the public.

Evergreen International is the most complete resource for Latter-day Saints on same-sex attraction.

Over the years, she had surrendered her “freedom to choose” positive feelings.
Her family would criticize her and as a result she would feel depressed and frustrated.

She had given-in to using her “family’s yardstick” to measure her own self-esteem.  At times she was actually responding as if her family’s words, in some magical way, controlled her feelings and behavior.

Her feelings and behavior were no longer hers, but a response to theirs.

The tragedy of this scenario was this good woman was a very talented, bright, caring, wonderful person!  In my opinion, she was not doing anything seriously wrong and the criticism from her family was unwarranted!  In her case, like many others, the offending behavior seemed to be more a reflection of her family’s emotional and mental problems than of her own.

Her “family’s yardstick,” which she had been using to evaluate herself, was flawed.  This family’s yardstick measures were arbitrary and worked more like a rubber band.

No wonder, she could never figure out why she never measured up.

“They Of Her Own Household”

I’ve actually heard people say, and believe about another, that “You make me mad!”  “You hurt my feelings!” or  “You ruined my day!” while blaming another person, usually a family member, for his/her personal feelings and behavior.

There is no doubt about the truthfulness of this scripture: “And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household” (Matt. 10:36).  We don’t have to look far from our daily routine to find a foe/enemy capable of destroying us.

Believing another can offend you is fundamentally false

David A. Bednar shares fundamental truth about relationships:

“However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.  In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14).  As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice.  Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon.  To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation…In many instances, choosing to be offended is a symptom of a much deeper and more serious spiritual malady.” (And Nothing Shall Offend Them, Ensign, Nov, 2006,)

Self-Esteem Influences ALL

Your self-esteem influences all of your thoughts, feelings and actions.

“Self-esteem is the glue that holds together our self-reliance, our self-control, our self-approval or disapproval, and keeps all self-defense mechanisms secure.”  (Elder James E. Faust, “Self-Esteem: A Great Human Need” at Brigham Young University, 23 August 1983.)

When you choose to use someone else’s yardstick instead of  MEASURING UP and using God’s Yardstick, disaster will surely and always result!

Gospel Principle

At times we choose to be acted upon and have our self-esteem measured using someone else’s yardstick!  When we absorb the criticism, the insult, the harsh words of another into our very soul disaster will result.  We feel depressed and frustrated.  When we measure UP and use God’s Yardstick we each have great worth and value — everyday, all day long!   “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 18:10).

Additional Information

A collection of LDS articles can be located at “Self-Esteem, Self-Worth” on the LDS Family Services Website.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf retells the story of the ugly duckling and urges us to reflect on who we really are — sons and daughters of a glorious Heavenly Father.

Life Challenges

If we’re not careful, anxiety, fear, discouragement and depression could get way out of control. We read in the scripture: “And in that day shall be heard of wars and rumors of wars, and the whole earth shall be in commotion, and men’s hearts shall fail them…,” (D & C 45:26).  The wicked, the righteous and even those of our own faith are not spared.  Not one of us is immune from the challenges.

How do we cope with all of this?

To Be Happy and Successful
Over the years, as a result of various assignments around the world, my wife and I have had the opportunity to become acquainted with literally tens of thousands of men and women—young and old.  We have never known one who does not want to be happy and successful.

The Prophet Joseph Smith has said, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God,” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Deseret Book Co., pages 255–56). In fact, the scripture says that is why we exist—remember, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy,” (2 Ne. 2:25).

A Commandment to be of Good Cheer
Joy is at the heart of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Our Heavenly Father wants each of us to be happy and successful.  How many times in the scriptures does the Lord command us to “be of good cheer” or “lift up your heart and rejoice” and be exceedingly glad?  We should remember that to be of good cheer is a commandment and not merely a suggestion, (D&C 78:17–19; D&C 31:3).

Gratitude
Unfortunately, there are some who are not happy.  Things are not going well, whether socially, physically, financially, academically, or spiritually. What do you have to do to be happy and successful?  What do you have to do to turn things around?

One element that leads to success and happiness is to discover in life that those things of most value are those things that you cannot buy with money.  They are priceless.

If right now, or at any time in your life, you are feeling down, discouraged, depressed, for whatever reasons, here is a very practical suggestion.  Take a sheet of blank paper and write on it at random those things for which you are most grateful.  Write whatever your most important blessings are in whatever order they come to your mind.  Then after writing the list, take another sheet of paper, put those blessings in order or priority.  What is your most important blessing?  The second most and so on.

For me, the results were like a personal revelation and I’ll tell you why.  On my list, I found that I had to go down a long way before I came to any blessing that could be bought for money.  Our most important blessings are literally priceless. Blessings such as faith, family, and freedom were the kind of blessings that if we were threatened to lose them, we would pray for the courage to literally lose our lives to defend them.

So, on those occasions when things are not going well for you, when you are down, discouraged, or depressed, take out your list of blessings, read them and you will find it easier to smile and follow the Lord’s commandment to be of good cheer.

Well, there you are with one simple suggestion.

Gospel Principle: Gratitude is an essential part of finding happiness.

Best wishes for every success and happiness and, keep smiling!

Elder Joe J. Christensen

Additional Information:

Joe J. Christensen, “A Reason to Smile,” New Era, Nov 1996.

Thomas S. Monson, “An Attitude of Gratitude,” Ensign, May 1992.

Teaching Gratitude.  Greatest Good Science Center.

Elder Joe J. Christensen
Elder Christensen is a graduate of Brigham Young University and received a PhD from Washington State University.  He has spent more than 30 years in the Church Educational System, first as a Director of several Institutes of Religion and then as Associate Church Commissioner of Education overseeing the worldwide program of Seminaries and Institutes of Religion. His Church service includes the General Boards of the Young Men and Melchizadek Priesthood MIA.  He has been a Regional Representative and has served as President of the Mexico City Mission and as President of the Missionary Training Center in Provo.  At the time of his call to the First Quorum of the Seventy Joe was President of Ricks College (BYU Idaho).  As a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy, he was assigned as President of the Brazil Area and then the North America Northwest Area of the Church. He was then called to the Presidency of the Seventy where he served until his release to Emeritus General Authority status in 1999.  Following that release he and his wife Barbara Kohler served as President and Matron of the San Diego Temple.