Measuring UP

“They’re right.  I’m just no good!” she declared.

Over the years, she had surrendered her “freedom to choose” positive feelings.
Her family would criticize her and as a result she would feel depressed and frustrated.

She had given-in to using her “family’s yardstick” to measure her own self-esteem.  At times she was actually responding as if her family’s words, in some magical way, controlled her feelings and behavior.

Her feelings and behavior were no longer hers, but a response to theirs.

The tragedy of this scenario was this good woman was a very talented, bright, caring, wonderful person!  In my opinion, she was not doing anything seriously wrong and the criticism from her family was unwarranted!  In her case, like many others, the offending behavior seemed to be more a reflection of her family’s emotional and mental problems than of her own.

Her “family’s yardstick,” which she had been using to evaluate herself, was flawed.  This family’s yardstick measures were arbitrary and worked more like a rubber band.

No wonder, she could never figure out why she never measured up.

“They Of Her Own Household”

I’ve actually heard people say, and believe about another, that “You make me mad!”  “You hurt my feelings!” or  “You ruined my day!” while blaming another person, usually a family member, for his/her personal feelings and behavior.

There is no doubt about the truthfulness of this scripture: “And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household” (Matt. 10:36).  We don’t have to look far from our daily routine to find a foe/enemy capable of destroying us.

Believing another can offend you is fundamentally false

David A. Bednar shares fundamental truth about relationships:

“However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.  In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14).  As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice.  Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon.  To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation…In many instances, choosing to be offended is a symptom of a much deeper and more serious spiritual malady.” (And Nothing Shall Offend Them, Ensign, Nov, 2006,)

Self-Esteem Influences ALL

Your self-esteem influences all of your thoughts, feelings and actions.

“Self-esteem is the glue that holds together our self-reliance, our self-control, our self-approval or disapproval, and keeps all self-defense mechanisms secure.”  (Elder James E. Faust, “Self-Esteem: A Great Human Need” at Brigham Young University, 23 August 1983.)

When you choose to use someone else’s yardstick instead of  MEASURING UP and using God’s Yardstick, disaster will surely and always result!

Gospel Principle

At times we choose to be acted upon and have our self-esteem measured using someone else’s yardstick!  When we absorb the criticism, the insult, the harsh words of another into our very soul disaster will result.  We feel depressed and frustrated.  When we measure UP and use God’s Yardstick we each have great worth and value — everyday, all day long!   “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 18:10).

Additional Information

A collection of LDS articles can be located at “Self-Esteem, Self-Worth” on the LDS Family Services Website.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf retells the story of the ugly duckling and urges us to reflect on who we really are — sons and daughters of a glorious Heavenly Father.