Has Your Child or Grandchild Been Sexually Abused?
Soft is the Heart of a Child
The mother called my office about her 8 year old boy, Billy. Billy had been acting differently in recent weeks, particularly after his visits with his father, her ex-husband. Billy’s grades had dropped. A few weeks ago she received a call from the school because of inappropriate sexual comments he had made on the playground. During primary class last Sunday Billy drew genitalia on a picture he made of Joseph Smith’s first vision. And now he was having nightmares almost every night. The mother concluded by saying, “I asked him what was wrong? And he said, ‘Nothing.’ ”
The shame and guilt experienced by a child who has been sexually abused is significant. Behavior and emotional changes usually provide the best indicators of sexual abuse.
Beyond Understanding
I’ve experienced a lot of horrific life stories, but NONE have been as painful as listening to young children talk about their sexual victimization.
The terrible, vicious practice of sexual abuse … is beyond understanding. It is an affront to the decency that ought to exist in every man and woman. It is a violation of that which is sacred and divine. It is destructive in the lives of children.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Save the Children,” Ensign, Nov. 1994.)
Definition
Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older child/adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation. It includes asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities (regardless of the outcome), exposure of the genitals to a child, displaying pornography to a child, actual sexual contact with a child, viewing of the child’s genitalia, or using a child to produce child pornography.
Prevention Strategies That Work
Sexual abuse of a child is every parent’s worst nightmare. Living LDS gospel standards doesn’t grant immunity. It can happen to any child in any family. Still, there is a lot we can do to keep children safe. Here are a few suggestions:
- Teach children about the sacredness of their own bodies. Teach children that no one has the right to touch them inappropriately. Be sure they understand which parts of their bodies are private and what inappropriate touching is.
- Build a trusting relationship with your child. Be a safe person for your child to talk to. Ask your child to tell you about things that don’t feel right.
- Know where your children are and with whom. But don’t be paranoid, an overreaction can also cause problems.
For additional ideas see subheading Prevention in the Ensign article “Hope and Healing”.
Warning Signs
-Listen to spiritual promptings (Watching with All Perseverance, Elder Bednar).
When a child…
-Leaves “clues” that seem likely to provoke a discussion about sexual issues,
-Writes, draws, plays or dreams of sexual or frightening images,
-Refuses to talk about a secret shared with an adult or older child,
-Thinks of self or body as repulsive, dirty or bad,
-Exhibits adult-like sexual behaviors, language and knowledge,
- Has new words for private body parts,
-Resists removing clothes when appropriate times (bath, bed, toileting, diapering),
-Asks other children to behave sexually or play sexual games,
-Mimics adult-like sexual behaviors with toys or stuffed animal.
For a more comprehensive list of warning signs see Warning Signs in Children and Adolescents of Possible Child Sexual Abuse.
Be Aware
If you do discover sexual abuse, be grateful. The only thing worse than finding out that your child is being sexually abused, is not finding out. Once you know the truth you can take appropriate steps to protect and empower your child.
Gospel Principle
Sexual abuse of children is horrific. Children who are influenced by others into sexual relations are victims and are not guilty of any sexual sin. Adults can prevent child sexual abuse by applying prevention strategies and by becoming aware of early warning signs.
Additional Information
- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has issued the following official statement on Child Abuse.
- LDS Family Services provides a variety of articles related to Abuse.
- The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) Child Sexual Abuse.
- Video: Psychologist advices on how to recognize the warning signs of child sexual abuse. (7 minutes) This video is full of excellent content.
Acknowledgement:
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