I thought the person who dropped the tray would have liked to have had everyone in the restaurant overlook that incident. The more mature person has developed the discipline

to overlook, in others, a minor incident, a thoughtless act

or an embarrassing moment.

Missing Out of the Gospel

To overlook an act of no consequence or of little importance is a quality of graciousness and patience. The less mature person often tends to react, correct or chastise others over unimportant acts indicating their inability to subdue their ego. Controlling the tendency to over react to unimportant things is a quality of a mature person. When we begin to overlook unimportant things, we also begin to see the more important things.

True religion is not looking primarily for weaknesses, faults, and errors. It is the spirit of strengthening and overlooking faults even as we would wish our own faults to be overlooked. When we focus our entire attention on what may be wrong rather than what is right, we miss the sublime beauty and essence of the sweet gospel of the Master. (James E. Faust, The Weightier Matters of the Law: Judgment, Mercy, and Faith,” Ensign, Nov 1997)

“Unimportant Things” Include Minor Faults Of Others

To continually get hung up on less important things in the lives of other people often creates a life of stress and inner frustration. Being consumed with unimportant things uses up valuable time and emotional energy.  Overlooking minor shortcomings in others necessitates living a higher level of patience and empathy.

Brigham Young said:

Those who have not strong passions to contend with, day by day, and year by year, should walk in the veil of humiliation; and if brethren and sisters are overtaken in fault, your hearts should be filled with kindness—with brotherly, angelic feeling—to overlook their faults as far as possible (DNW, 22 Aug. 1860, 1 Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young).

We should try to overlook the unimportant faults of others. We will feel peace and wholeness. “Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” (Matthew 7:3).   Overlooking irritations of others without comment can be a character building experience.

Some Truths Are Best Left Unsaid

In a message titled “Truth—and More,” Elder Russell M. Nelson contrasted the single-minded surgeon who coldly announces the truth about a terminal illness with the compassionate surgeon who mingles that message with assurances of love and support that help the patient and his family handle the truth.   Truth is powerful and absolute in its existence, but its                             communication should usually be guided by companion principles. “Otherwise,” Elder Nelson observed,

“the sword of truth, cutting and sharp as a surgeon’s scalpel, might not be governed by righteousness or by mercy, but might be misused carelessly to embarrass, debase, or deceive others. … Indeed, in some instances, the merciful companion to truth is silence. Some truths are best left unsaid.” (“Truth—and More,”Ensign, Jan. 1986, pp. 70–71.)

When we develop the capacity

- to overlook irritations of little importance

- and minor faults of others

we become more sensitive, tender, and loving. We build more positive and enduring relationships and we become a happier person.

See the ball player overlook the umpire’s bad call in the 59 second video “Umpire” from A Foundation For A Better Life.

UMPIRE

GOSPEL PRINCIPLE:

William James, an American psychologist said, “The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

“Forgiveness Will Change Bitterness to Love”  David E. Sorensen, Liahona, May 2003, pp. 10–12; or Ensign, May 2003, pp*. 10–12.  Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God’s love in our hearts.

“To Forgive Is Divine” Theodore M. Burton, Ensign, May 1983, pg. 70;  A person with an unforgiving attitude can hardly be called a follower of Jesus Christ.

Rulon G. Craven

Rulon G .Craven was employed 20 years at Brigham Young University on the administrative faculty for Business Affairs. He also served as the Director of the Aaronic Priesthood, working under the direction of the Presiding Bishopric of the LDS Church, after which he served over 13 years as Secretary to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

His LDS Church callings include: Bishop, member of a Stake Presidency, Mission President, Regional Representative, board member and 2nd counselor in the General Presidency of the Sunday School, member of the 2^nd Quorum of the Seventy and President of the New Zealand Temple.

He is also a current member of the Upward Reach Board of Trustees.

IF

YOU ARE ALREADY DEFEATED!

What is most important is have the courage to make correct choices and choose to focus on the positive-

“Light”!

Reaching for virtue is a goal with power.  You can visualize and work towards it.

The Savior Jesus Christ promises those who follow Him: “Your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you” (D&C 88:67; see also 3 Nephi 13:22–23). As you fill your life with light, there will be no room for pornography or other sources of spiritual darkness. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve observed:

“Light and darkness cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Light dispels darkness. When light is present, darkness is vanquished and must depart. More important, darkness cannot conquer light unless the light is diminished or departs” (in Conference Report, Apr. 2002, pp. 80–81; or “Out of Darkness into His Marvelous Light,” Ensign, May 2002).

You will fill your life with light as you reach for virtue.

Virtue is Light

Virtue originates in your innermost thoughts and desires. It is a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards. Since the Holy Ghost does not dwell in unclean tabernacles, virtue is prerequisite to receiving the Spirit’s guidance. What you choose to think and do when you are alone and you believe no one is watching is a strong measure of your virtue.

Virtuous people are clean and pure spiritually. They focus on righteous, uplifting thoughts and put unworthy thoughts that lead to inappropriate actions out of their minds. They obey God’s commandments and follow the counsel of Church leaders. They pray for the strength to resist temptation and do what is right. They quickly repent of any sins or wrongdoings. They live worthy of a temple recommend.

Your mind is like a stage in a theater; in the theater of your mind, however, only one actor can be on stage at a time. If the stage is left bare, thoughts of darkness and sin often enter the stage to tempt. But these thoughts have no power if the stage of your mind is occupied by wholesome thoughts, such as a memorized hymn or verse of scripture that you can call upon in a moment of temptation. By controlling the stage of your mind, you can successfully resist persistent urges to yield to temptation and indulge in sin. You can become pure and virtuous. (Preach My Gospel, pp. 118, 119.)

Be patient it takes time to create a habit.

Super Deluxe VALYOU MEAL

Watch: Mormon Messages YouTube Video: Virtue: For Such a Time as This (Esther 4:14). Young women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints call for a return to virtue and share their commitment to live virtuous and exemplary lives in order to influence the world for good.

Virtue: For Such a Time as This (Esther 4:14)

READ e-zine article “What Prophets and Apostles Teach about Chastity and Fidelity,” Ensign, Oct 1998.

What Prophets and Apostles Teach about Chastity and Fidelity

Suggested Activities:

Study the following scriptures:

D&C 4:6.

D&C 46:33.

2 Peter 1:3–8.

D&C 25:2.

D&C 121:45–46.

Topical Guide, “Virtue”.

D&C 38:24.

Articles of Faith 1:13.

Write in your PERSONAL JOURNAL what you believe virtue is.
Identify one behavior that will increase your virtue.
Monitor your progress in doing your selected behavior.

Viewing pornography, masturbating or doing other inappropriate sexual behavior activates the body’s sexual chemistry and causes “joy” in the brain’s pleasure center.  Thus, the initial season of sexual addiction can be compared to the Spring Season – seemingly full of beautiful flowers.

The scriptures associate the words “pleasure” and “joy” with the initial “season” of sin.

“… to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;” (Hebrews 11: 25).

If it “is built upon the works of men, or upon the works of the devil, verily I say unto you they have joy in their works for a season. . .”  (3 Nephi 27:11).

In addition, the seed of disobedience is planted because you are abusing or misusing your SUPERNAL POWER.

Summer Season

In 3 Nephi 27:11 we learn the “joy” season ends “… verily I say unto you they have joy in their works for a season (Spring Season) and by and by the end cometh (Summer Season) …”

Tolerance and dishonesty are common characteristics that occur in this season.

Tolerance means it takes more intense sexual pictures, behavior or thoughts to receive the same level of pleasure or joy experienced during the Spring Season. You can eventually develop an acceptance to sexual material and behavior that initially were disgusting. We read:

“Pornography is especially dangerous and addictive.  Curious exploration of pornography can become a controlling habit leading to coarser material and to sexual transgression…” (LDS Church, 1990, p. 11).

During the Summer Season, the seed of disobedience which was planted in the Spring, always grows into some form of dishonesty. A young person will likely lie and become deceiving, secretive, manipulative, or oppositional.

Negative consequences often begin during this Summer Season.  The consequences may include parents or church leaders finding out; shame or guilt; avoiding church activity; losing interest in school and family; and having mood swings.

The guilt, depression, and shame caused by the negative consequences will temporarily disappear with repeated inappropriate sexual behavior and the activation of the sexual chemistry.

During the Spring and Summer Seasons of addiction youth can usually overcome their sexual habit by willpower and the principles contained in Reaching For Virtue.

Fall Season

In the Fall Season “just stopping” doesn’t work anymore. Returning again to the scripture 3 Nephi 27:11 we learn

“. . . verily I say unto you they have joy in their works for a season (Spring Season) and by and by the end cometh (Summer Season), and they are hewn down and cast into the fire, from whence there is no return (Fall Season).”

Satan Can Limit Your Moral Agency

Elder Russell M. Nelson describes the addiction process as different seasons:

“From an initial experiment thought to be trivial, a vicious cycle may follow.  From trial comes habit.  From habit comes dependence.  From dependence comes addiction.  Its grasp is so gradual.  Enslaving shackles of habit are too small to be sensed until they are too strong to be broken,” (“Addiction or Freedom,” New Era, Sept. 1989).

Determine the Seriousness of Your Habit

If you are in the Fall Season of addiction a more serious craving and sexual habit exists. Typically a young person in this stage has already tried several interventions, but with no success.  Reaching For Virtue focuses on helping young people in the Spring and Summer Seasons of addiction. If you believe you may be in the Fall Season of addiction seek outside help now.

Super Deluxe VALYOU MEAL

WATCH:  (Edit-conference talk) Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May 2005.

READ: Russell M. Nelson, “Addiction or Freedom,” New Era, Sep. 1989, p. 4.

Suggested Activity:

Determine which season of addiction you are likely experiencing.  Write in your WORKBOOK your behaviors that make you think you are in the Spring or Summer Seasons of addiction.

If you don’t already have a coach consider asking someone now. If you believe you are in the Fall Season of addiction, talk to your parents about getting outside help.

“We Latter-day Saints need not be, and we must not be, deceived by the sophistries of men concerning the reality of Satan. There is a personal devil, and we had better believe it,” (Marion G. Romney, “Satan, the Great Deceiver,” Ensign, Feb. 2005, pgs. 52–57). He’s not a cartoon character. Satan does not have horns, cloven hoofs, a pointed tail or carry a pitch fork!

Satan doesn’t have a physical body. He only has a spirit body.

Satan wants you to believe that he does not exist! (2 Nephi 28:22).

Personal Battle

 Satan has a plan. He knows us and our weaknesses.

-In Satan’s rebellion against God, he “sought to destroy the agency of man” (Moses 4:3). 
-Satan has the “power to captivate, to bring you down to hell, that he may reign over you” (2 Ne. 2:29);  And
-“He grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance”  (2 Ne. 28:19–22).

President David O. McKay said:

“Your greatest weakness will be the point at which Satan will try to tempt you, will try to win you; and if you have made yourself weak, he will add to that weakness,” (“The Temptations in Life,” Improvement Era, July 1968, p. 3).

For example, if you’re struggling with pornography, Satan will tempt you not to shut the door all the way!

How Satan’s Plan Works

 When you do an inappropriate sexual behavior, there are only two ways to deal with it,

Lord’s Way - to repent and do what is necessary to change

             OR

Satan’s Way- to rationalize the seriousness of the behavior and its eventual consequences.

Satan’s way will lead you to do an inappropriate sexual behavior  when you “rationalize”.

-”Everyone does it.”

 -“It’s no big deal.”

 -“It’s not my fault.”

 -“I did not.”

 -“If I don’t tell anyone, no one will ever know.”

Elder Dallin Oaks reminds you when you choose the Lord’s way you will “Acknowledge the evil. Don’t defend it [inappropriate sexual behavior] or try to justify yourself.” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May 2005) 

Yes, sexual habits are powerful.
You can make permanent change.  
Take courage. Have faith. Choose the Lord’s Way!

Super Deluxe VALYOU MEAL

LISTEN :  Love Vs Lust Kimball, Spencer W. BYU Speeches January 05, 1965

Love Vs. Lust

WATCH:  YouTube Video of Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Neal A. Maxwell’s Testimony of Christ

READ e-zine article: Ezra Taft Benson, “The Law of Chastity,” New Era, Jan 1988

The Law of Chastity

Suggested Activities

Write in your workbook typical thoughts you have and say that make your inappropriate sexual behavior seem okay to do.
Keep track of how frequent you rationalize your inappropriate sexual behavior.

You are free to choose and act.

You are NOT free to choose the consequences of your choices. The consequences may not be immediate, but they will always follow.

Moral Agency A Gift From God

Moral Agency is the ability and privilege God gives you to choose and to act for yourself. Moral Agency is essential in the plan of salvation. Without it, you would not be able to learn or progress or follow the Savior. With it, you are

“free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil” (2 Nephi 2:27). 

In Pre-Earth Life You Chose

In the pre-earth life, Heavenly Father presented His plan, which included the principle of moral agency.  At that time Satan chose to rebel and “sought to destroy the agency of man” (Moses 4:3).  You chose to follow Heavenly Father’s plan and came to earth.

Earth Life

In this life, you continue to have agency. You are responsible for your choice of doors you open and shut. You should not blame your circumstances, your family, or your friends if you choose to disobey God’s commandments. You are a child of God with great strength. You have the ability to choose righteousness and happiness, regardless of your circumstances.

Satan will attempt to gain control of your moral agency.  

You can be in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions if you open the door to making correct choices. 

When you make choices you are closing one door and opening another. When you close doors on behaviors like pornography and other inappropriate sexual behaviors, YOU WILL REQUIRE A PLAN.

When you choose the right, doors of virtue and chastity will open.

Closing the Door on Pornography and Inappropriate behavior

Elder Dallin Oaks shares ideas for a plan to shut the door on pornography and other inappropriate sexual behavior.

 “Do all that you can to avoid pornography. If you ever find yourself in its presence—… follow the example of Joseph of Egypt. When temptation caught him in her grip, he left temptation and “got him out” (Gen. 39:12).” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May 2005) 

-If inappropriate sexual content shows on your computer screen or TV, immediately turn the computer or TV off.

-Make sure your Internet service has some type of filter.  If it doesn’t, talk to your parents or coach.

-Delete “friends” from your social networking sites that make it easy for you to view porn or talk about sexual behavior. Stop contacting them.

“Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction.

-So, turn it off!

-Look away!

-Avoid it at all costs.

-Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths”. (Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May 2005)

-Put up inspirational pictures around your computer and room (Christ or Family). 

Super Deluxe VALYOU MEAL

WATCH:  (EDIT) Decisions Determine Destiny President Thomas S. Monson; First Counselor in the First; Presidency; CES Fireside for Young Adults • November 6, 2005 • Brigham Young University

READ e-zine article: Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Three Choices,” Ensign, Nov 2003

Suggested Activity:

In your WORKBOOK identify where you see pornography internet, cell phone, etc.

Write a solution of how to avoid it.

Keep track of your progress.

Some may think there’s nothing wrong or immoral about being a nominal 3-Hour Mormon. Seems like if you got baptized, married in the temple, and go to Church three hours on Sunday, you’re OK.  But …

The New Mormon Lite … with less “Spiritual Calories”

The Mormon-Lite crowd is a tough bunch for me to understand.

The Apostle Paul expressed an eternal law-“The Law of the Harvest” when he declared that “whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Gal. 6:7.) The analogy of sowing and reaping is one that is popular with the prophets of old and with the Lord himself.  (See, for example, Job 4:8; Prov. 22:8; D&C 6:33.)  This “law of the harvest” connects behavior and its consequences together in an unbreakable relationship that has direct impact on every aspect of our lives,” (Lawrence M. Barry, “Marriage and the Law of the Harvest,” Ensign, Feb. 1986).

Like the flowers, fruits, and vegetables we grow in our gardens, our spirit and body reflect the nature of the seeds we have planted.

You’re Going To Die!

If you’re taking in only 500 “spiritual calories,” but require 20,000 to successfully deal with your upcoming week’s stress, by Tuesday you’ll be spiritually hungry and weak.

“If one fails to eat and drink, his body becomes emaciated and dies. Likewise if he fails to nourish his spirit and mind, his spirt shrivels and his mind darkens.” (President Spencer W. Kimball, Miracle of Forgiveness,  pg 93)

Simply said, if your spirit consumes only 3 hours of spiritual calories by attending church, you can’t expect a 40 hour spiritual pay check.

As a Mormon psychologist, I believe today’s society is suffering from an epidemic far worse than the “swine flu” or any other disease. What’s the disease?

“Spiritual Anorexia”

Just like your body requires calories to burn so does your spirit!

Our weight conscious society, knows exactly how many “calories for the body” they should eat to lose weight or maintain a healthy energy level, but have no clue about the minimum required calories for the survival of your spirit!

Calorie Counter

Burger King Whopper, 628 each; French fries, 1 serving  227; Vanilla milkshake, regular  321.

Attending all Sunday Meetings, 516; Reading the lesson, 321; Listening to the speaker 198.

How many spiritual calories did you take in last week?

Spiritual Empty Diet

Putting your spirit on a diet jeopardizes your eternity.

“The law of the harvest is simply that you don’t get something for nothing in life,” (Robert D. Hales, “Channeling Your Creativity,” New Era, Feb. 2004).

There is no substitute for taking time to immerse one’s self into God’s word and prayer. There are no supplements, no Cliff notes, no short cuts – for actually getting the Gospel into our hearts and minds.

“Conversion is a spiritual and moral change. Converted implies not merely mental acceptance of Jesus and his teachings but also a motivating faith in him and his gospel. A faith which works a transformation, an actual change in one’s understanding of life’s meaning and in his allegiance to God in interest, in thought, and in conduct. In one who is really wholly converted, desire for things contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ has actually died. And substituted therefore is a love of God, with a fixed and controlling determination to keep his commandments… Membership in the Church and conversion are not necessarily synonymous,” (President Marion G. Romney, In Conference Report, Guatemala Area Conference 1977).

Culture has changed, but how to maintain a healthy spirit has not!

“Your happiness now and forever is conditioned on your degree of conversion and the transformation that it brings to your life,” (Richard G. Scott, “Full Conversion Brings Happiness,” Ensign, May 2002).

Our Mormon culture accepts and even encourages Mormon-Lite behavior that result in spiritual anorexia. 

Gospel Principle:

“The peril of this century is spiritual apathy. As the body requires the sunlight, good food, proper exercise, and rest, so the spirit of man requires the sunlight of the Holy Spirit; proper exercise of the spiritual functions; avoiding of evils that affect spiritual health, which are more ravaging in their effects than typhoid fever, pneumonia, or other diseases that attack the body,” (David O. McKay, Miracle of Forgiveness, pg.94).

Additional Information:

D. Todd Christofferson, “When Thou Art Converted,” Ensign, May 2004.

For – 638 “Burger King Whopper Spiritual Calories” watch all of President Monson’s YouTube video “Prayer”.

Most of the calls I used to get concerning marriages were for a variety of difficulties like communication, finances or some similar problem they were facing.

In recent years, however, most phone calls have to do with pornography.

“Dr. Brinley, how do you know if your husband is into pornography?” is a typical caller’s question.

I would ask the spouse why she was suspicious.  I recall one woman responding,

“We don’t have a finished basement, except my husband’s office there.  I went down the other night to kiss him goodnight.  I was not wearing shoes.  As I got close to his office, I heard things that sounded like terrible stuff and I was sure it was pornography.  As soon as I appeared at the doorway, he immediately scrambled to turn the screen off.  It was not facing me – so I could not tell for sure.”

I talked to her about checking the browser on the computer when he was not around.

She did, only to find a list of terrible websites that her husband had accessed. She was devastated.  Her heart was broken.  She was frightened about her and her children’s future.

The Pornography Viewer

The person viewing pornography becomes a victim.

“And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out.” (D&C 42:23.)

The Marriage

The marriage becomes a victim. I am reminded of the statement by President Hinckley:

“One of the most damning influences on earth, one that has caused uncountable grief, suffering, heartache, and destroyed marriages is the onslaught of pornography in all of its vicious, corroding, destructive forms,” (Richard G. Scott, “The Sanctity of Womanhood,” Ensign, May 2000).

The Spouse – What does a spouse do about it.  This is a serious matter and a threat to any marriage. There are several approaches I think helpful. This first step is to get some knowledge about pornography. For example, learn the signs of a pornography problem.

Learn the Signs of a Pornography Problem

Sexual additions experts Rory Reid and Dan Gray, in their book Confronting Your Spouse’s Pornography Problem, identify 10 signs of an existing problem:

1. Loss of interest in sexual relations or insatiable sexual appetite.
2. Introduction of unusual sexual practices in the relationship.
3. Diminished emotional, physical, social, spiritual, and intellectual intimacy.
4. Neglect of responsibilities.
5. Increased isolation (such as late night hours on the computer); withdrawal from family.
6. Easily irritated, irregular mood swings.
7. Unexplained absences.
8. Preference for masturbation over sexual relations with spouse.
9. Unexplained financial transactions.
10. Sexual relations that are rigid, rushed, without passion, and detached.

Empower yourself by learning about Pornography at LDS.org, Gospel Topics.

Next, Confront the Pornography User

There are several methods of confronting the problem.   If you react to your spouse in a way where you’re anxious, you’re yelling, crying and screaming, he will much more likely focus in on your emotional reaction rather than what you’re trying to say.  Consider one of the following alternatives:

Express your concern. In the initial confrontation, you could express concern for your spouse’s unusual behavior and explain how you feel about it in a non-blaming way.  Due to the secrecy that accompanies a pornography problem, your spouse may be inclined to deny using it.  This may be in the form of minimizing the behavior with an excuse like, “It just popped up when I was surfing the web,” or “It just happened once.”  They may also completely deny the problem by saying, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” If there is denial try confronting with evidence.

Confront with evidence. In this case you may prefer to be able to bring evidence to the next confrontation. Perhaps it is by bringing pornographic magazines that the user has hidden, by bringing up      specific incidents where the user was caught viewing pornography, or through the installation of a computer program that tracks the internet activity on the computer. Still another type of confrontation is confronting with a support group.

Confront with a support group. Confrontation may also take place in the place of a support system such as your bishop or branch president.  The confrontation should be planned so that the delivery can be non-blaming and create the least amount of defensiveness in the spouse.  It is important to understand that individuals will differ in their readiness to admit they have a problem.  It should not be expected that the user will readily want to come forward with all the details of the problem.                   The user may be defensive no matter how well the message is delivered.

The goal of confrontation is to get the pornography user to recognize there is a problem and to seek help.

Each case if different – it depends on what behaviors have gone on and your personal experiences. The important thing is do something!

“… real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation—not acquiescence!  Real love does not support self-destructing behavior,” (Russell M. Nelson “Teach Us Tolerance and Love,” Ensign, May 1994).

Dr. Douglas E. Brinley

Gospel Principle

Pornography destroys the user and the marriage. When pornography use is suspected with a spouse, first learn about the signs of pornography addiction and second confront the pornography user.

Additional Information:

“Breaking the Chains of Pornography,” Ensign, Feb. 2001.

“Confronting Your Spouse’s Pornography Problem” by Rory C. Reid, LCSW, and Dan Gray, LCSW.

MSBCN Today Show “Husbands Hooked on Porn” 8 minute video.

Dr. Doug Brinley

Dr. Doug Brinley is a retired professor in Church History and Doctrine at Brigham Young University. The author or co-author of nine books on marriage and family relations. He has a DVD entitled Marital Relations Seminar.  He instituted the LDS Marriage and Family course in the religion department at BYU back in 1995.  It has now become one of the most popular religion classes at  BYU.  He and his wife, Geri, live in Provo and are the parents of six children.

If you already indulge in pornography to any degree, you can stop. You have agency to choose your thoughts and actions. The adversary may have misled you in the past, but you have the final choice. You can regain the strength of the Spirit in your life. To do this, you need most of all to know that your Redeemer loves you. He has the power to help you. He died to pay for the sins of all who repent and follow Him. You can draw on the power of His Atonement for hope and strength as you repent. Remember the words of the Apostle Paul: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). (“Filling Your Life with Light,” Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts,1969.)

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“The Savior Jesus Christ promises those who follow Him: “Your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you” (D&C 88:67; see also 3 Nephi 13:22–23). Fill your life with truth, righteousness, peace, and faith. As you fill your life with goodness, there will be no room for pornography and other sources of spiritual darkness.” (“Filling Your Life with Light,” Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts,1969.)

Free Brad Wilcox Podcast

Pornography: Satan’s Counterfeit

Church leaders have encouraged parents and leaders TO TEACH  you about human intimacy.

“Talk to them plainly about sex and the teaching of the gospel regarding chastity.” M. Russell Ballard, “Like a Flame Unquenchable,” Ensign, May 1999.

The Salt Lake Temple- The Body Temple

The “Salt Lake Temple” is literally a house of the Lord. Your “Body Temple” is a literal house of your spirit. “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? (1 Cor 3:16) Heavenly Father has provided your body for a divine purpose. Your body is a necessary part of His plan for our eternal progression. Because of the body’s importance, Heavenly Father has given you a stewardship to care for it. Respecting your body as a temple of God manifests your testimony that you are a child of God. It also keeps your body pure so it can be a dwelling place for the Holy Ghost.

How you care for your physical body affects you spiritually.

Talk and think about your physical body and sexuality with the same reverence you talk about and think about the holy temple.

Sacred Body Parts

How would you respond if someone asked, “What are the names for sacred sexual areas of your body?

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gives some direction in how to speak of such holy topics.

“My topic is that of Human Intimacy, a topic as sacred as any I know and more sacred than anything I have ever addressed from this podium. If I am not careful and you are not supportive, this subject can slide quickly from the sacred into the merely sensational, and I would be devastated if that happened. It would be better not to address the topic at all than to damage it with casualness or carelessness. Indeed, it is against such casualness and carelessness that I wish to speak.” (Morality Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1992, pg. 152)

Using slang or degrading names for our body parts puts down the sacredness of the “Body Temple”.

Using these names frequently in casual talk puts down the way Heavenly Father creates life.

Using the correct names for sexual body parts is necessary if you are to reverence the body and have virtue garnish your thoughts.

Does that mean referring to any of the sacred body temple parts by ANY OTHER NAME is wrong?

YES, that’s what it means!

Learn Appropriate Use

In reality, sexuality is a beautiful power given to you from God. President Kimball describes the authorized uses

- for sex as “God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and

- for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. (Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign, May 1974, pp. 7–8; see also “Sex Is Sacred,” 1972–73 Relief Society Courses of Study, pp. 202–3.)

Inappropriate Use

President Kimball adds “any sexual act or practice which is ‘unnatural’ or unauthorized is a sin.” Miracle of forgiveness, pg. 61) The following behaviors are some of the sexual acts against the Lord’s purpose for sexuality:

Viewing Pornography is looking at any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings. It is distributed through many media, including magazines, books, television, movies, music, and the Internet. (Pornography, Gospel Topics, LDS.org)

Fornication is sexual intercourse between unmarried people.

Adultery is sexual intercourse between two people, at least one of whom is married to someone else. 

Masturbation is manipulating one’s own reproductive body parts to produce sexual excitement.

Homosexuality is sexual relations between those of the same sex, whether men or women. When referring to homosexual women, the term lesbian is sometimes used.

Petting is physical contact with another’s sacred sexual body parts either on top of or underneath the clothing including lying on top of one-another. You should not allow others to do touch your sexual body parts.

Making-out or Passionate kissing are examples of physical contact with a partner of non-sexual body parts like the neck, lips, legs, torso etc. AND as a result arouse sexual desire. You should not allow others to do these behaviors to you.

Lusting occurs when you are thinking about the other person mainly as a means to satisfy your own physical desires.

All those sexual behaviors listed above violate the law of chastity. Merely refraining from sexual intercourse outside of marriage is not sufficient in the Lord’s standard of personal purity. The Lord has a high moral standard for you, including complete fidelity in thought and conduct.

Victims of rape, incest, or other sexual abuse are not guilty of sin. (Adapted from “Talking with Your Children about Moral Purity,” Ensign, Dec 1986)

Reverence your “Body Temple” and the “Body Temple” of others as a creation of God.

Super Deluxe VALYOU MEAL

“Choose This Day”  From: YouTube MormonMessages | 214,973 views. Henry B. Eyring, a disciple of Jesus Christ, urges us to seek God’s help to overcome complacency and discouragement and find joy in serving Him today.

Read the e-zine: “Talking with Your Children about Moral Purity,” Ensign, Dec 1986

Suggested Activities:

- Make a commitment TODAY to never use slang words when talking about the sacred male and female body parts and sexual behavior. Keep track in your Reaching For Virtue Workbook. Use only the  dignified names that your church leaders use.

-Make a commitment TODAY to avoid and resist participating in sexual conversation with your peers. Keep track in your Reaching For Virtue Workbook  of your progress. Have the courage to talk to your parents, church leakers, or coach when you have questions.

-Read and put into practice the following scripture:

 “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? (1 Cor 3:16)

Write in your Reaching For Virtue Workbook your thoughts.