40 Seconds

I listened as Gary’s father shared:

Best Friends

My son Gary was probably my best friend. We spent a lot of time together. When he was little he liked sports and I coached his baseball and basketball games. I loved watching him play. A little later, he learned to bowl and found he had a natural ability for the game. I always went with him to his tournaments and shared his happiness when he won. … He dropped out of school altogether at age 16. He had several jobs but they didn’t last long when he was about 20, Gary met and married a girl he loved a lot. For a while they were really happy he vowed to give up the things that were bringing unhappiness. Some of his old friends started coming around and he started drinking again. He and his wife divorced and he moved back home.

Come on Dad…

During this time we spent a lot of time together. When he was working nights, he’d wake up early and say , “Come on, Dad Let’s go for a ride.” He’d get coffee and I’d get hot chocolate and we’d just ride around. He loved riding on country roads or in the mountains. 

… Shot in the heart

The day before he died we helped with ward clean-up-day. He worked so hard and enjoyed being with the other guys there. He came home, got cleaned up and went to a street festival in town. I didn’t hear him come home but it was late. The next morning I went to Bishop’s meeting and then my wife and I attended the other Sunday meetings. It was about 4:00 pm when I got home. My wife asked me to go downstairs and get Gary for dinner. He didn’t’ wake when I called his name. When I turned on the light, I saw him lying back on his pillows and that he had shot himself in the heart.

Raising from the dead…

I reached out to hold him but his spirit had gone. Thoughts raced through my mind-with my Priesthood, I could heal him-If only I was good enough-so I gave him a blessing. I was bishop of our ward at the time. I remembered how Jesus had raised the dead and I wanted so much to have the faith to bring my son back to me….

I was standing at the foot of his casket when I realized that my son was just 33 years old, the same age the Savior was when he died.

A suicide every 40 seconds

Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds. In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years in some countries, and the second leading cause of death in the 10-24 years age group; these figures do not include suicide attempts which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide. (World Health Organization, Suicide Statistics)

A way of coping

Suicide has been used as a way of coping with life problems for centuries. Ahithophel in  2 Samuel 16:23 was referred to as “an oracle of God.” He was a “counsellor” to King David and hung himself. (See 2 Samuel 17: 23).  And perhaps one of the more famous suicides was the apostle Judas in Matthew 27:3-8 where he too hung himself.

Unfortunately we Latter-day Saints are not immune from suicide.

Unanswered questions

With every suicide there are many questions. M. Russell Ballard shares a few:

Was the person who took his/her life mentally ill? Was s/he so deeply depressed as to be unbalanced or otherwise emotionally disturbed? Was the suicide a tragic, pitiful call for help that went unheeded too long or progressed faster than the victim intended? Did s/he not understand the seriousness of the act? Was s/he suffering from a chemical imbalance that led to despair and a loss of self control? … The Lord will look at that person’s circumstances and the degree of his accountability at the time of the act. (M. Russell Ballard, “Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not,” Ensign, Oct 1987)

Gospel Principle:

Latter-day Saints commit suicide. Only our Father in Heaven knows the answers to some of the questions asked regarding those who take their own lives.  Nevertheless, the Lord’s promise is to each of us:

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)

Additional Resources:

- Watch the video Understanding Suicide  by  Tools for Life.

- National Alliance On Mentally Illness (NAMI) Suicide: Learn More/ Learn To Help.

- Where Is Our Hope for Peace? A Resource for Latter-day Saints Coping with Suicide. A book by Upward Reach Foundation

- LDS Family Services / Provident Living:  Library of Helpful Information /Suicide